Marriages are essentially, ‘family affairs’. Consequently, most marriages are ‘arranged’ with the blessings of the families of both the bride and the groom. Cases where a groom just turns up at his own house with his bride and announces that he has married the girl of his dreams are quite rare. More often than not, the decision that a particular boy or a girl is a worthy addition to the household is a collective one.
In an Indian household, a proposal of marriage has to pass through several layers of approval before it finally lands up in the hands of the actual ‘candidate’. Firstly, the ‘profile’ of the prospective bride or the groom is registered with a marriage bureau. This document is a cleverly crafted piece of marketing material designed to play up even the most mundane of qualities or interests that a person might have. At the same time, it serves the purpose of masking most, if not all the perceived shortcomings of the marriage aspirant. Half-truths and ambiguous statements are the norm rather than the exception here. Strategically shot photographs with enhanced filters applied so as the end result is all but a photo-shopped image usually accompany the profile. Having registered their son or daughter`s biodata with the marriage bureau, the parents can now purview the profiles of other candidates registered with them. It takes a lot of effort and the most discerning eye to sift through the creative writing and shortlist a few proposals that pass muster with their requirements at first glance and are worth a detailed study.
Next comes the astrological approval stage. Horoscope matching is the most important indicator of a marriage`s future success in many eyes. Believers in divine predictions are not content with just a cursory horoscope match on a software or a free online service. It usually takes an ‘All is well’ proclamation by a revered seer or Panditji for the proposal to be considered favorably.
With the stars in agreement, the process of social profiling and confirmation begins. Calls are made to common friends and family if any. Social media accounts of the candidate are ‘researched’ vigorously. The number of people hiring detective agencies to glean information which otherwise may not be readily accessible is on the rise too. Once satisfied with all these conditions, the elders of both the families meet with each other. Usually, the girl’s family gets the first right to `interview` the boy. If the guy passes this test, he is granted the permission to contact the girl in question. Again, depending on the ‘values’ of a household, this contact may be a brief one-time meeting over a cup of coffee with a whole host of family members present in the case of conservative families. In many cases, the girl gets to learn about the boy`s credentials only after her parents have met and approved him.
It is in this confined environment or a limited window of opportunity that the two people central to the entire scheme of things – the prospective bride and the groom – have to decide about their futures. Proponents of this well established system of arranging marriages say this is the best way to ensure a bright future for their kids. After all, the elders are experienced in such matters and crucial decisions such as these, ironically, cannot be left just to the ‘naïve’ youngsters.
Today`s world though, is changing quickly. Ask any bachelor what qualities is he looking for in his prospective partner. Take the same question to any young lady ready to take the marital plunge. More often than not, you will get quite a detailed answer to your polite query from both of your respondents. Gone are the days when such questions were met with a shy smile or an evasive answer at best. Youngsters today are pretty sure of what they expect from life, and equally, from their life-partner. Online wedding portals provide a unique avenue to this confident generation to take matters in their own hands. This option has now inverted the entire process of arranging marriages, so to say. It is the children now, who take the proposals of those they are interested in, to their parents. This arrangement at least provides the protagonists with a reasonable amount of space and time to decide over their futures. Many youngsters take their parents into confidence and arrange individual meetups with their interests before involving the families in the mix. The ‘Approval Pyramid’ now inverted, the parents go through their due diligence and check the astrological, financial and social compatibility of those proposals forwarded to them by their children. The elders meet with the tacit understanding that the kids have already approved the proposal. All that remains is their formal agreement.
Whether you trust the old methods or the new ways, a marriage proposal, once it receives the blessings of the family elders, becomes the source of everlasting happiness for an entire life-time. You would think that going through the rigorous selection process to find the perfect match for the eligible bachelor or the beautiful daughter of the family was the tough part. All that remains now is to have a marriage ceremony and formalize the union. Easy as cake. Right? I have got news for you. You have just got saddled in your seats. The roller coaster ride that is the actual conduct of the marriage ceremony still awaits you.
Fasten your seat belts…
(…. To be continued)
Tarkash 